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always trying to break out of circles. but not truly breaking out.
not like in the movies.
like when the oppressed outsider of a small town finally decides
to leave on a plane to new york city.
and he has this elaborate plan
where he starts this new life.
and then everything starts going his way.
he's fulfilled.
then it cuts back to the town he left.
everyone is still exactly the same.
and this is a story that someone who wants to escape will write.
one day i'm going to live out my story
i'm going to live out my dream of writing this story
and make a screenplay of it
then everyone will know where i'm coming from.
then i can live my dream
to make a movie about how i'm going to escape.
then actually escape.
i want to live in a rural area of japan.
where my house is a little squarish shape.
and my wife is a little... squarish shape. she's a good wife.
she makes me these little bento boxes.
full of bright colors and little food cut into the shape
of letters -spelling "ganbatte" (good luck / do your best)
i eat them at my dayjob while sitting outside on a bench.
after each bite i smile from tasting something
so carefully crafted by my ever loving wife. square.
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the breakfast buffet trayline at Grummo's at 7a.m. -where depressed flannel shirt wearing motherfuckers go to eat all the sloppy runny-batter pancakes they cat eat. gorging on those dry sunburned sausage griddles like they were the very last. well, they are the very last, after 10am -when they shut off the heat lamps and all that foodstuff turns back into its true cold hardened turd-like state. it's a rare feeling, the feeling standing in the Grummo's trayline next to that heaving shit chute with a flannel shirt totally unabashed about shoveling some crusted egg product onto his plate. he's so hungry he doesn't give a fuck. like the one guy at the whore den -i'm gunna fuck her so hard man, fuck. too many cold nights i've gone masturbating in the dark. i'm gonna fuck that yellow-ey piece of scrambled egg-fold pussy and i'm going to like it -because I can't differentiate hot and fresh with cold and sloppy.
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